writing 39c
portfolio
Susy Vargas
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Historical Conversations Project Rough Draft
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My first draft of the HCP is on the right, you can pan through the entire essay with the document viewer. As you can see, my first draft was pretty short, ending at only four pages.
One of the strengths of my first draft was the amount of scientists and researchers I included, a weakness would probably be the organization and length. I had not done enough research to come up with at least six pages for my rough draft. The organization was also not there in my first essay.
I started the essay discussing bee cognition, then explained a bit about the social behavior of bees, I then ended talking about bee cognition once again. This organization contrasted with what I stated in the introduction, highlighted below.
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The most challenging thing about writing this draft was finding the resources, I was still not completely comfortable using the library's tools, so that was a bit of a problem for me when looking for articles.
My revision process went as follows: I began by going over my paper and fixing all the grammar and spelling mistakes. Once then I reworded some confusing sentences, some of which was pointed out to me by my peers and professor. After this, I continued my research and lengthened my essay. Then, I went back and reviewed the lengthened essay once again.
Historical Conversations Project Final Draft
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As mentioned above, one of the main things that I revised for the final essay was rewording some sentences, one of these was my first sentence. This was my first sentence before and after revision, respectively.
As you can see, the second version of my first sentence is a lot clearer, and flows a lot better.
Another major revision I made was making my essay mulit-modal by adding images and a link to a video. The first draft did have a link to the video, however, it did not have any images. I decided to use both a video and images in order to make the essay easier to understand.
